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| Roommate Issues Posted: 09.28.06 |
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Tip #19 The Noisy, Naughty, and /or Nasty Roommate The Tip Say something to your roommate immediately if there is a problem or it will only get worse and worse. Don’t be afraid to speak up! The Story My roommate was disgusting. She never put anything away. She left crumbs, pizza stains, and random spots on the furniture. She didn’t want to clean, she didn’t care to clean, and she didn’t know how to clean. We had our own bathroom attached to the room and she would leave used items wherever they landed (use your imagination). It was so disgusting. I made the mistake of not saying anything until later in the semester. It was too late. I exploded. She stopped talking to me. And we still don’t talk. My advice-don’t let it get out of control. If it gets bad fast, say something or get out of the living arrangement. --sophomore, Wheelock College “Every evening at 9:01 PM her cell phone rang (free nights and weekends). She would spend hours talking on the phone. She never stopped talking!” --freshman, Mount Union College Like a growing mold on a half-eaten chicken finger under your roommate’s bed, the noisy, naughty, and/or nasty roommate can be hard to spot at first. It can take weeks before becoming a serious problem. The master tip—deal with it before it gets ugly. The longer you let it go, the more out of control the situation will become. Most roommates are reasonable if you deal with the issues right away. Dealing with the Noise Factor It’s about common courtesy. If you have early classes, let your roommate know what nights need to be early nights for you. If your roommate wants to talk on the phone during late night hours. Suggest he or she talk in the hall or lounge. If they want to listen to music, suggest headphones. If your roommate wants to watch TV at night, then find a way to work it out without making him or her leave—it’s their room, too. But considerate roommates will minimize the noise. Dealing with the Naughty Factor Once you discover that you have a naughty roommate, make some rules. Don’t just let it go and complain to your friends. Find a system to let each other know if you’re “busy.” Try to limit the “I’m getting it on” signal to a certain number of nights a week. If having sex while you are in the room is unacceptable, say something the first time it happens. If your roommate ignores you or loses control, talk to your RA (assuming your RA isn’t the naughty partner). Deal with the Nasty Factor By week four, you’ll smell it, see it, or step in it. If your roommate smells funny, suggest deodorant. For bad gas, ask that you at least get fair warning. For the nude or sweaty roommate, ask them to put down a towel on the couch when lounging. Whatever the situation, try and approach the problem the way you would want your roommate to approach you. Bottom Line Noisy, nasty, and naughty roommates make for great stories. First you have to live through it. The funny part starts about three years to five years later (depending on the nasty factor). Tip # 20 The Your Girlfriend/Boyfriend Doesn’t Live Here Roommate The Tip If your roommate has a girlfriend/boyfriend, discuss upfront when the significant other will and will not be allowed in the room. There’s nothing worse that having an extra roommate. The Story My freshman year in college, I lived with a sophomore. He had a girlfriend that he had been seeing for years. She used to come by all the time. She even had a key. It got so bad that she was there when I left and there when I came home. She was even there by herself. Because I was new at school and he was older, I didn’t have the courage to tell him what I felt. I just let it go. It got so bad that I wouldn’t even change in the room because she was always there. She ate my food and smoked cigarettes in the room. He did ask if I minded once or twice, but I told him that it was fine, it didn’t matter. I didn’t want him to get upset. I didn’t have the courage to tell him. It all got even worse after that. I ended up moving out after a few weeks, so it never got too heated. I should have told him when I had the chance, but I didn’t. --sophomore, University of Illinois Not in the Dictionary...Yet Sexile Being unable to enter one’s room due to roommate constantly having sex. --courtesy of sophomore, University of Minnesota-Twin Cities There are few things more uncomfortable that finding yourself stuck with an extra roommate - like finding yourself stuck with one, two, three, or four extra roommates. Typically, it unfolds in one of two ways: 1) Your roommates(s) comes to campus with a significant other. From day one, he or she thinks that their boyfriend or girlfriend can come over and do what ever he or she wants. The significant other even gets his or her own key. 2) Your roommate(s) falls in love during the year. It starts out with a night here and there, and then quickly turns into endless nights here and never there. You are the third wheel living in your own home. Both situations are problematic, but both can be avoided by preemptive planning. For those moving in with a roommate who has a significant other. Ask your roommate how often he or she plans on having the significant other spend the night. Mention that it makes you very uncomfortable having someone else hang out in our room alone (assuming it does). If it’s a problem, find a way to compromise or find a new roommate. If you’re moving in with a roommate who isn’t attached, make sure you have a plan to avoid gaining an extra roommate (or two). Agree not to make a copy of the keys for boyfriends or girlfriends. Insist that a significant other can’t be in the room alone, and mention that if it ever gets to be too much, you’ll let the other roommate know. Again, promise that if and when something bothers you or your roommate, you’ll both talk about the situation. That way, it’s not as if either of you is attacking the other and nobody will be put on the defensive. Just talk it out. If you can’t talk it out, someone will just have to move out. Or you can just happily ignore each other. My roommate did that to me. Seriously, he stopped talking to me, but I never stopped talking to him. It really pissed him off. I’d ask him “Do you want something from Taco Bell? If you’re not hungry, then don’t say anything.” He said nothing. I guess he wasn’t hungry. Bottom Line The only good thing about having an extra roommate is that if you get locked out there’s a better chance of someone being there to let you in. From The Naked Roommate (And 107 Other Issues You Might Run Into in College) by Harlan Cohen, reprinted with the permission of the author. check out Harlan Cohen’s website at www.thenakedroommate.com For even more information check out this site: http://ohmyapt.apartmentratings.com/messy-roommates.html |
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