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Educational Resources
— Roommates |
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When roommates disagree, Residence Life staff
generally expect those involved to reasonably negotiate a workable
solution. Resident Assistants and others are available to help
if residents cannot resolve their disagreement. In some cases,
staff may approve a room or apartment change. If involved in a
roommate dispute, meet with your roommate(s) to discuss differences
and try to reach a mutually satisfying agreement. If this fails,
or if those involved refuse to negotiate, contact your Resident
Assistant. If the dispute cannot be resolved, contact your Area
Coordinator.
The following information is provided to give you a positive,
proactive approach to living with a roommate. Usually roommates get
along just fine, but when they don't, it is important to deal with
the problems as soon as they arise. Please take the time to talk
with your roommate now. If necessary, there are several resources to
help address a situation. RAs have been trained to assist with
conflict resolution. If the efforts to resolve the conflict
are unsuccessful, you may arrange for a meeting with your Area
Coordinator in the Community Center to discuss a room or apartment
change.
Suggestions for Roommates
• Try to get to know each other better.
• Be open: ask, listen, discuss. Don't wait until things get out of hand.
• Treat your roommate as an equal. Don't give orders, make unreasonable
demands or expect favors.
• Respect your roommate's right to privacy or personal time alone.
• Be sensitive to each other's moods. Everyone has bad days, so try to
understand when your roommate has one.
• Avoid trying to "reform" or correct your roommate. Don't expect
him/her to conform to your standards or accept your beliefs.
• Respect your roommate's right to study. Don't cause interruptions or
make unnecessary noise.
• Work out the division of chores. Don't wait for your roommate to take
care of the housekeeping.
• Discuss cleaning
-How important is a clean/neat room?
-Who should do which jobs?
-How frequently should we clean?
-What if one of us doesn't do his/her job?
• Sharing of Items - Do you mind lending your clothes? Money? Notes? Books?
Toiletries? Tapes/CDs? How will we resolve a situation if one of us borrows without
asking?
Getting to Know your Roommate: A discussion guide
Getting along with your roommate requires that you understand him/her. To
understand another, it is helpful to learn about their values, beliefs, culture,
and background. Spend some time with your roommate sharing things about you,
your opinions and aspirations with one another. Listen and ask questions
as you develop a sense of who you are!
How to begin: Try to find a location where there will be a minimum of interruptions.
Each of the following sections asks you to use topical sentences as starting
points for discussion.
Take turns responding to each item. Ask for clarification if you are not
sure what your roommate(s) is/are saying to you. You may also discover some
things about yourself!
My Background...
Attempt to honestly express your feelings and your perceptions of life. Sharing
more than just the basic facts will help develop a stronger roommate relationship.
• What I can say about my family...
• What seems important to tell you about my previous educational experience...
• How I describe the people I spend a lot of time with at home...
• The way I characterize the area where I grew up (my neighborhood, town,
people who live there)...
• What I was most involved in last year.
Personal Preferences and Characteristics
• How I feel about my possessions (what is okay to lend, what I prefer
others not touch)...
• What my study habits are like...
• How important academic success is to me...
• What my health is like most of the time...
• What I like to do for exercise...
• How I feel about drugs and drinking...
• My attitude toward dating...
• How hard/easy it is for me to make friends...
• How much sleep I need/why I like to get it...
• The kind of music I like...
• How I feel about religion...
• What I'd like to do in my spare time...
• What is important to me in a roommate relationship...
Resolving Roommate Conflicts
If you have tried to work things out between you and your roommate(s) and
you are still experiencing problems, please contact your Resident Assistant
and he/she will schedule a roommate mediation. Your Resident Assistant will
serve as mediator, to listen and facilitate the mediation process. He/she
will be objective to all persons concerned in order to achieve a positive
mediation where all persons feel listened to and a resolution of the issues
is achieved. Your Resident Assistant may also utilize, or refer back to,
your Roommate Agreement, an excellent resource to aid in the mediation process.
When the Mediation Process is Unsuccessful:
The Office of Residence Life realizes that there are times when differences
can not be resolved. In these situations, we understand that a room change
may be the best option. If you have completed a roommate mediation with your
RA and are still considering a change in residence, contact your Resident
Assistant and your Area Coordinator for a meeting to discuss a possible room
change.
Roommate "Bill of Rights"
I have the right to read and study in my room...Unreasonable noise and distractions
inhibit the exercise of this right...I have the right to expect that a roommate
will respect my personal belongings...I have the right to sleep without undue
disturbance from noise, guests, or activity...I have the right to a clean
environment...I have the right to free access to my room without pressure
from my roommate...I have a right to personal privacy...I have the right
to have my grievances heard...I have the right to be free from fear of intimidation,
physical and/or emotional harm
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