Study Guide for The Way We Never Were, Stephanie Coontz

1. What is the central thesis of this book?

That "myths" about the family exist because we have ahistorical notions of what the family was like before now.

2. Why do we have nostalgic views of families in the past?

3. Why focus on the middle class? (Are they the mythmakers?)

4. What are the historical facts which belie the notion of a "Traditional" family? What is the Traditional Family?

a. Colonial families: more formalized authoritarian forms of respect for elders---especially the patriarch---that includes the younger men who are also under his rule.

More openness about sexuality, which provided less "protection" of children from knowledge of sexuality.

b. Victorian: sentimental mother-child bonds, coupled with formal, distanced relationship between husband and wife.

Child labor for many families, including slavery.

Presence of servants in the house.

c. Prior to 1900, family festivals were less important than civic festivals--like the 4th of July. "Only in the 20th century did the family come to be the center of festive attention and emotional intensity?"----What type of evidence does Coontz offer?

5. Why does Coontz argue that we are not more mobile today than we used to be? They moved from community to community. We move from job to job---therefore, we are more rootless, but not more mobile.

What other things are myths about the modern and the traditional family?

a. We have less contact with grandparents.

b. More children have only one parent.

c. Marriage was stronger in the past. (Reality: fewer divorces and more unhappy marriages.)

6. Americans have actually gained free time since 1965--contradicts Schorr's thesis.

7. p. 22 Discuss "Despite humane intentions, an overemphasis on personal responsibility for strengthening family values encourages a way of thinking that leads to moralizing rather than mobilizing for concrete reforms."

8. Did you know that it was not until 1954 that the words "under God" were added to the pledge of allegiance? Why in the 1950s?

9. Coontz argues that the family of the 1950s was quite novel, and not at all traditional. Why?

a. For the first time in 100+ years:

b. What else was new?

10. What were some of the costs of this family type?

a.  Expulsion of = women from the labor force.

b.  Downgrading of the skills of women workers.

c.  Not having children became perverse.

d.  * "Momism"

e.  The subordination of women's aspirations to those of her husband and children.---tranquilizers

f.  Men forced to marry in order  to be considered normal.

g.  Men were seen as sources of income and prestige.

h.  Fairly rigid notions of sexuality---but emphasis on female attracting a male and trapping him into marriage by dating, petting, but with a double standard as far as sexual intercourse.

i.  Seclusion of the middle class family from public gaze led to more opportunities for domestic abuse and incest.

11. What does Coontz mean when she says, on p. 44, that female domesticity and male individualism developed together.

That the dichotomy:  dependent/independent came to coincide with: female--male

12. p. 48, What difference did Enlightenment ideology, Protestant religion, and capitalist production make for notions about the self in relation to others?

Absolute individualism would leave no room for helping others, for community, for giving of one's self.

Solution: divide the two poles on the basis of sex.

13. p. 55 Discuss the new emphasis on love and romance.

14. p. 61. Berger quote on the lover as the alter ego.

15. Discuss the myth of the self-reliant family

a.  importance of help from kin

b.  government land grants from Indian land.

c.  public ally funded education.

d.  mutual aid associations.

e.  labor unions.

f.  social security.

g.  orphanages.

h.  slavery

i.  FHA subsidized low interest home loans.

j.  tax deductions for dependents, home interest

16. p. 96, The idea that private values and family affections form the heart of public life is not at all traditional. It began in the 1870s "the first gilded age" where the notion of unrestrained pursuit of profit and unregulated competition was thought to hold sway in the public sphere, while sentiments pervaded the private sphere.

p. 115 What are the dangers of this idea? Bellah "...seeking meaning in private family values precludes the development of true community, producing instead the "lifestyle enclave."

* p. 120. Good quote on same theme

17. p. 131. It was not until the 1870s and 1880s that abortion and birth control were criminalized

18. p. 145 "The strong nuclear family is in large measure a creation of the strong state."

19. p. 157 Suggests that industrialization has been more important than changes in values in shaping married women's labor force participation.

e.g. fewer children because children were not involved in home production on the farm.

expansion of sales and clerk jobs

20. In the 1950s fathers aspirations for their daughters contrasted with their notions of a wife.  p. 165.

21. p. 177, On consumerism and the social basis of identity.

22. p. 178 Bellah on the work ethic and how it can be used to perpetuate the isolation of the self from community.

23. According to Coontz, after having declined from 1940-1970s, black poverty began to rise since the mid 1970s and since mid 1980s a steady decline in black life expectancy, average income of young black men fell by 50% from 1973-1986. What are some the proposed causes of this increase in poverty?  Which view does Coontz take?

a.  racial discrimination

b.  p. 254 deindustrialization

c.  p. 235 culture of poverty

d.  p. 235 weak black families

e.  p. 242 strong black families

f.  welfare dependency

24. What are some of the strengths of lower-income black families, according to Coontz?

a. p. 254 working women have largest gains relative to men of any ethnic group

b. black husbands have gone further than white husbands in increasing their share of housework.

c. black high school senior has spearheaded the decline in drug use in the past few years.

d. p. 253 extended family

25. What are some of the myths about African-American families?

a. They are all alike

b. African-American  family values are not mainstream.

c. p. 236, They have babies to get welfare (birth rates of single black women have fallen in 1970 whereas birth rates of single white women have risen; the rising % of single parent families among African American is related to the declining birth rate of married black women and a drop in the marriage rate. p. 251 Wilson estimates that in 1980 for every 100 young black women aged 20-24, there were only 45 employed black men of same age. Declining = rate related to unemployment

26. p. 253, Do lower-income black families represent the future?

27. Why does Coontz think that blaming the family or lack of family values for the ills of society is a gross oversimplication?

a. poverty is increasing in two-parent households

b. p. 261 young families are being hit harder than older families by falling real income

c. p. 266 families have tried to cope by increasing their work outside the home and by delaying family.

p. 267 Discuss work ethic and family